Breathe, Relax, and Believe.

It has been long since I last received an award and that was way back in High School as Best in talent, Best in Sports Wear, Ms. Freshmen and Ms. AFCS (four consecutive years) and then another was recognition as part of the student council. (Will try to retrieve pictures once I've found them) When I was young, I first joined a contest and that was about Declaiming.

Being so naive, I never had the pinch of being competitive in me. I didn't care about competitions and how they should be. I don't even have the slightest idea what the hell declaiming was about. My mom, who didn't want me to mess up and look pathetic, trained me rigidly. Mom is one of the most strict teachers I've ever met. Training days were hell days for me back then, I always end up and cry and I couldn't understand why mom was stern and never was lenient on me. Declaiming was not as simple as acting, and it's not just about memorizing a whole story and narrate it to people. You have to be the story yourself. And for the first competition I joined, I went home with the award as the first placer, champion, winner or whatever you call it. I remember making the judges cry with the story, my mom wrote herself.

It is just now that I realized, that very moment when I had the tough training with my mom was the moment I was carving my character and my persona as a contestant. She taught me not just how to declaim but to believe in myself and make the people believe in me. Confidence, strength and perseverance was what she taught. And I am ever thankful to my mother who shaped me into who I am now. And after that, I had always won declaiming competitions, drawing, and others. I have never went home empty handed.

After High School somehow, it had stopped. And my interests differed too. I got interested in music. But there was a downfall where I had start doubting myself. Four years in my college, I stopped joining competitions until now. It's my last year, heck I wasn't even serious when I joined the cosplay competition. Cosplay is where I get to dress up any Japanese/Cartoon character and pretend to be them, internalize their character. I cosplayed as Another Blood from Demonbane without the intention of winning the top prize, all I wanted was to NOT FAIL the college of HRM where I belong and my friends who pushed me into joining. Click here for reference pictures. Guess what, I brought home 1st Runner up. It feels good.

For four years, me and my band have been joining competitions here and there. But, we fail epically. LOL. We spend so much time rehearsing, our strength and wallets get drained all the time. Until we gave up and split ways, I think it's only Dhelle and me who is still into it but honestly I myself almost lost the appetite for music-making. Just an hour before the competition, Dhelle dragged me and made me play guitar while She and Angel will sing. We just laughed, "hayaan niyo na, trip lang to" we weren't even that serious when we joined. It was just, all guts and happy-go-lucky attitude. Then they both went straight home after the event. I stayed longer until the end of the event.

When they were announcing the winners, they called in the band who won 3rd place. FORTUITY band, I think I lagged for a minute. I was thinking to myself, hey, isn't that our band? then they called in three times. Until I finally stood up, flabbergasted and laughed. It's us.

We actually won? When we didn't have practice at all. I was staring at our certificate, this is... our very first award. We couldn't be any happier. I couldn't be any happier myself. It was just then when I was about to give up on playing guitar. I don't believe that I'm good at it, even until now I don't. But I guess it's the character that adds up to it that wins the crowd. Sometimes, we are so close to success when we decide give up. But now, we have this. Everything feels much better and hopes are restored.

To everyone, don't give up! We never know when things are for the better, sometimes our hardships are blessings in disguise to shape us up for the things to come, for the things we deserve.

Ciao! <3

Posted in: cosplay,music,self realizations,winning